Jake Mace and the Sword of Fire
Our parents told us not to mess with fire. They also said to avoid sharp objects. We didn't listen.
It began with a dream. Our pal Jake Mace (JakeMace.com) came by to drop off his new video, Kung Fu Kicking with Jake Mace. He then told us something he saw while sleeping: a great meadow that spread out as far as the eye could see. In the center was a lone warrior dressed in slacks and a hoodie. The warrior had a sword in one hand that he swung in quick rapid bursts. Suddenly, his sword burst into flames. With one quick motion, the hoodied warrior swung his sword in a quick semicircle and the air around him lit on fire. The flames spread out in a ring of fire and heat, lighting the field aflame and burning the blades to black, charred earth.
"We should do something like that," Jake said. "I mean, I'm a real martial artist and that seems like something a real martial artist would do."
We couldn't argue with his logic, but we didn't have a meadow or field. We had our warehouse, but you shouldn't ever mess with fire inside. However, we did have a trusty parking lot.
The first trick was lighting a sword on fire. We grabbed a katana that we happened to have lying around and covered the blade in hairspray. When we tried to light the samurai sword on fire we found that, much to our chagrin, advancements in flammability technology have made hairspray more fire-resistant since the 1980s. This would normally be a benefit to people who prefer their hair remain less-than-flammable. On this day, we were not such people. Well, we didn't want our hair on fire. This is KarateMart.com, not burn-your-hair-mart.com. Still, we definitely wanted fire.
We had to take the flammability up a notch and we knew just what to do. We took some ribbon and wrapped it around the sword's blade. Then we doused the ad-hoc wick in kerosene. The stage was set for an epic flaming sword. But before we created our fire sword, we looked around to see what we could stab, slash, swipe, or poke with our newly-formed fire sword. That's when the propane tank appeared, almost out of thin air. The universe was calling out to us.
With the propane-filled Ninja Warrior Party Balloons in one hand, the fire sword in another (and a trusty fire extinguisher), we then went outside to play with fire.
This is KarateMart, not Workers-Compensation Mart
You can see the explosive results in the video below. We made huge fireballs with our flaming sword and Jake had so much fun that our very own Kyle joined in to poke some propane balloons.
Alas, the day of fire-themed fun eventually came to an end. Our flaming katana became a regular sword. We packed up our things, cleaned up the mess, and went inside. Before he left, though, we asked Jake about the warrior he had seen in the field. We didn't perfectly replicate his vision. Wasn't he disappointed that we had only blown up some balloons and not lit up an entire field?
"Not at all," he said with a sly smile. "The warrior has been inside me all along. And the flames are the passion with which I live my life."
He then got into his truck and looked past us, like he was talking to a camera that wasn't there. "Think about that warrior and that fire the next time someone calls me Fake Mace. They can't hurt me. I'm a lone warrior in a field of flames."